I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Welp...herpes.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
