Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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