I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
