he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
