The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
