I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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