did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
