Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
