i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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