I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Fuck appropriateness.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
