Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
