i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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