i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
