areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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