Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize