Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
