you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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