I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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