I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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