Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
