just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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