He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When are your genitals available?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
