I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
