Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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