You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
