Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm just crazy horny about you
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
