I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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