At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize