Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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