there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
