In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
