Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
