that's an acceptable place to lick
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
