She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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