Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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