you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
