y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize