i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
