i permit you to call me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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