if you like me you must not know who I am
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
