1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
