The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
