And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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