Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize