Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
