Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
