i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize