i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
