the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
