There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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