Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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