tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
