Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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