Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize