Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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