There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize