I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
