that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
