um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize