Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
