You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
