Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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