I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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