obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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