I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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