I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
