my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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