im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
