Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
