My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
