38 yer olds are good kisserssss
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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