you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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