Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
