Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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