How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
