Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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