you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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