In America we eat man semen.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
