I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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