she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
