I think I won the penis lottery.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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