oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
