i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
