smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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