wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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