If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
