so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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