need another drink. this is the easiest way
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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