OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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