I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
