you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
