Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
