No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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