This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
