i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
