That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
