between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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