Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
