I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
