I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize