I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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