Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
