Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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