I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Bring me that man meat
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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